Jun 12, 2020

TJC's exclusive, 100% authentic E3 2020 coverage roundup


OS ANGELES — The Jerk Circular's crack team of reporter was on site for E3 2020 this week, bringing you all the totally real, definitely not made-up news you need to know about the next generation of video games. It was a thrilling ride, but if you missed it, we've got the highlights right here.

Bethesda makes waves with two huge announcements

Bethesda's Todd Howard noted that all U.S. citizens have been automatically signed up for the new Skyrim meal kit service and will have to opt out manually to avoid monthly charges.

Howard also announced that development of The Elder Scrolls VI has been canceled because the studio is not confident that it can complete the game before the upcoming release of Fallout: Real Life.

Naughty Dog releases new game as employee perk

The announcement was met with a muffled cheer from the locked basement currently housing Naughty Dog's employees.

Yahoo announces Mitch, a new gaming platform

This is a huge step for Yahoo as the venerable internet company looks to carve out a niche among extraordinarily lonely gamers who are willing to pay the price to mask Mitch's natural odor.

EA holds a well-received conference and pleases everyone

We did not see that coming.

Upcoming Mario game explores new depths of psyche

During the Nintendo conference, Shigeru Miyamoto unveiled the latest Mario game: “We have seen him take on Worlds, Galaxies, go on Odysseys, and get arrested for misdemeanor vandalism crimes on an island paradise. In Mario’s newest adventure, Super Mario Existence, our hero Mario ponders the meaning of life itself with the greatest despondence. Accompanied by his newest sidekick, Cig, a never-ending cigarette that accompanies Mario on a journey through the darkness of the mind, our hero tackles the greatest enemy of all: himself.”