May 19, 2020
 in 
Tech

Facebook announces bold new plan to fuck up 2020 election

M

ENLO PARK, CA — Facebook announced a brand-new initiative for the 2020 election on a call with investors Friday, pledging to respond slowly if at all to the spread of fake news and misinformation over the coming months.

"We take our responsibility to our users very seriously, though of course not so seriously that we assume any accountability for the 2016 election," CEO Mark Zuckerberg said on the call. "We know that many of our users are concerned about running into fake news or misinformation on our platform, and we want that vocal minority to know that we feel for them. However, our internal research has shown that most of our users prefer the warm, down-home comfort of content that makes them feel good, no matter how truthful it may or may not be."

Asked whether he might bear any responsibility for Facebook's effect on November's upcoming election, Zuckerberg was unfazed.

"We take our responsibility to our users very seriously, though of course not so seriously that we assume any accountability for the 2020 election," he repeated. "I want you to know that we hear your concerns and are willing to testify in front of Congress if it means you continue doing absolutely nothing to stop us from being the worst version of ourselves. You know, just like we do with our users."

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